hello beautiful (or handsome, whichever you prefer) people! how are you? it feels like forever since i last wrote to you. i'm sorry that i'm not writing more more often- that's the great thing about taking long road trips. anyway, last week i was gone for a week in a small town called chinchilla. it's a small country town and it reminded me alot of home. we stayed and slept in the christian outreach center/church there which was not too bad i might add. we had very good air conditioning, which is rare in these parts. there we had lectures on evangelism and our speaker was kevin stickle, director of the byron bay ywam base. very cool guy. in the mornings we would have lectures and then the rest of the day was devoted to the community. we were split up into two groups with one doing a kids camp and the other doing community work. i was in kids camp and did the acting part of it. from 2-4:30 we had camp and the kids got to choose to do dance, acting, sports, or music. it was abit hard at first since we didn't really know what to do with the age group that we had so we played games that involved you acting something out. finally mid-week we came up with a game that had them draw a random picture and then we'd combine the pictures, make a story line and story out of it and then act it out. needless to say it was so much fun. we also were a part of the town christmas concert and we had a worship/prayer night that week too.
the first day we left was my first day after my fast, and man was it hard. i had a cookie and a brownie that morning and then we left for chinchilla. the rest of the day i felt sick and so wierd. i felt dirty, like the food i was eating made me dirty so i had to be sick in order to "clean" myself. the fruits and veggies are water based and it really did clean out my body. i had so much more energy and i was able tp stay awake more. but the day after we got to chinchilla i slept for a couple hours during the day since i felt so sick and tired. but thankfully i;ve gotten better. my fast was successful since it showed me that God is always there and He's never moved. it's me that's moved and when i found my way back He was there watching and waiting for me, like the father of the prodigal son. He never far away; we just have to reach out and make the effort to get to Him.
one night that week 3 other girls and i went out into the dark night and with an ipod and ipod speakers we had our own worship time. it was kind of scary at first since in the distant horizon there was this spectacular show of lightning flashing in the sky and clouds. but we stayed out and sang and worshipped. as i was singing i noticed these 3 strands of misty clouds in the sky above me but i didn't think anything of it. probably 15 minutes later i looked up and my breath was taken away and i was in such awe and wonder. what i saw was this huge misty cloud/blob that was a red and pink color. then, all the way on the right side, was this white, illuminated circle. without a doubt i knew that it was God. His power was significant in the silent lightning yet His grace was there above me while the girls and i were singing. i was moved to tears standing there and trying to explain it later to a friend i started to cry because it was so powerful. this was what i had asked for: i wanted to get closer to God and in those 2 weeks i got closer to God than what i could have ever imagined. like before, God is there, and when we open up our hearts to Him He comes down and meets with us.
this past week was christmas and needless to say it was so different not spending it with my family. monday night we had a base christmas feast. my leader's parents came (they're missionaries in taiwan) and his mom made alot of food for us. the sweet potatoes were the best!!! i usually don't like sweet potatoes, but these were so bomb (the way my friends put it) with the brown sugar and pecans. we had christmas music playing and for the first time it felt like christmas. we had lectures monday-wednesday and our speaker was heather marchberger and she spoke on intercession. her stories were so amazing and they really spoke to me in such a way that by the end of the lectures i had a new outlook on indonesia and i was excited to go rather than scared :)
christmas eve was spend making european breakfast and dinner along with eating TONS of sweets. i think i ate just sugar that day. christmas day was the same and we watched a couple movies. it was fun though :)
as i close i do have 2 prayer requests:
1) on monday i finally went to the doctor's and had my blood taken to get tested. i haven't gotten the results back yet but hopefully soon. i had a calmness and peace about it, but that night i was starting to feel a bit panicky, like last year, but i refused to go back to that time when i didn't trust God. pray that all goes well. ("sing me a love song" by barlowgirl is EXACTLY what i'm feeling so you can listen to it ).
2) this one is one for a friend. that day where we had the tabernacle re-enactment a friend of mine, for her gift/give up sacrifice, gave God her pills. she takes them twice a day daily for anxiety and depression and i know it was soo very hard for her to do that. yet God showed me that He was so overjoyed of what she did. it was like the pills were a hinderance in their relationship. He could get close, but those pills kept Him from getting closer. i told her that and she was so encouraged. well, last week she dropped the bomb on me that that night of the re-enactment she had flushed all her pills down the toilet and she hadn't taken any since then. for someone who had taken those pills for almost 4 years that was very extreme for me. a leader who was with us has experience with people getting over drug addictions and she had warned my friend of some of the withdrawl symptoms that she could experience. she hadn't had very many of them yet, yet they all hit her hard the next day. her body just shut down with the withdrawl symptoms kicking in hard and it was hard seeing her this way. she's not going back to the pills yet i know it's a daily struggle for her. please pray for her as she tries to get over the symptoms. pray for strength and faith like she's never had before. she's going to need all she can get since the enemy's going to hit her hard.
i hit the road again on monday and i'll try to write more soon!!!
Saturday, December 26, 2009
Saturday, December 12, 2009
tainted minds and dances
wow! the week has flown by so fast! feels like i just came back from the road yesterday and now i'm going to be back on the road again today. this week has been so amazing, probably one of the best, if not the best, lecture weeks ever. it's definately one i won't forget. this week our lectures were on making jesus lord or lordship and our speaker was the energetic, crazy guy named mark parker who is from new zealand. he's 53 and yet has the energy of a todler :) his lectures were very good and i don't think i've ever taken so many notes in my life. we went into detail about the tabernacle and what it all represents, back in the bible times and now.
everything was good and fine and then came the last day. thursday mark had told us that on friday we would do like a re-enactment of sorts of the tabernacle. when the people went into the tabernacle they brought 2 kinds of sacrifices. one that was a sacrifice to God, like something that they would give to Him or to others and the other was the sacrifice of sin. mark told us that on friday we needed to come with something to give to God or others and a sin that we need forgiveness for. so as always, i cruised through the day not really thinking anything of it. thursday night i took some time and worshipped God and asked Him what i could possibly offer Him. I felt Him say my voice, which makes sense for i don't like singing in public, even singing worship in front of people scares me.
friday morning rolled around and i woke up early as to have some time to prepare myself for the on coming day. sitting by myself in a room i tried to see if there was anything else i could give God and i came up with my health. it's something i have trouble with so i knew that this was one thing i did need to give to Him. i closed my eyes and sat there thinking if there was anything else, and it was almost as if someone yelled it at me. i heard it so clearly : your life. it was one of those things that shook me to the core. my life?! God wants me to give my life?! atomatically my mind shut Him out and went "no, i'm not giving you my life".
i went on with my morning like nothing was wrong, like i wasn't fighting this major battle within me. my life. was He out of His mind?! if i have a hard enough time trusting Him with my health what makes Him think that i'd give Him my life? i sat there with all the other people waiting for our day of tabernacle to start, so sure that everyone could see the emotions all over my face. finally we were given an intro into class and the main point mark made was " are you open? are you open to God and what He has to say?" ha NO! we came into our classroom which had been made over into a tabernacle with a cross standing in the middle of the room. first we all took time to worship God, which as you can imagine was super hard for me to do. then mark had us all say something that God has done for us. i was so emotional from the battle i was fighting it was hard to say something that i was thankful for that God did. so i pulled myself together (i hate showing emotion, especially tears) and said how i was thankful that i now have a relationship with my brother, one that i could have never had or imagined. of course i broke down right from the start so that made it that much more harder to say. but it's true. i didn't realize how much i'd miss my brother until i actually left and now i'm eternally thankful that i have a relationship with him, one that i know is strong and one that i cherish.
we had a 5 minute break, as to get ready for the next part, and i had people coming up to me encouraging me and one told me that to day is going to be a big day for me, one that i won't forget. we came back and did an exercise that had to do with really getting personal with God. the guys had to link arms and one by one they came out and yelled and screamed and opened up their hearts to Him and then they would run and try to break through the wall of men. some of them moved me to tears for these were my brothers and finally seeing them open up was glorious. one guy from another DTS (we combined with the sports DTS) had gotten saved for the first time last week, and if you knew him you'd know what a break through this was. he's like the ultimate bad boy of the school ;) anyway, i watched him struggle to open up and to let God in, and that was wonderful. next, mark had the guys lay down on their stomachs all in a row and had the girls walk on them all the while praising God as they walked across. mark said he did this because alot of times in our society the women are the one who are the stronger ones in the family and how the men need to rise and learn how to man up and be there for the women. this was hard for me because one- i was wearing a dress and two- i am very self contious so this was really pushing it for me.
we worshipped some more and then mark asked us if there were some of us who have a hard time praising God in difficult times and how it's a struggle for us. i raised my hand and so did 3 others. then came the most ackward and nerve-wrecking part of the day. mark said that 2 people, preferably guys, need to go up and lift these people onto their shoulders as to lift them up to God and learn how to praise Him. i didn't really realize what was going on until i saw 2 guys walking towards me and that's when it all clicked. i went into a full panic!!! i hate being picked up and i was wearing a dress! needless to say, i had big difficulties with my dress (so sorry for those guys and everyone else) and one guy was shorter than the other so i was on one guy's shoulder for almost the whole time. i was gripping the guy's shoulder and another guy's hand so hard, and mark was like "lift your hands and praise Him" and i was like NO NO NO! let's just say i hopped off those guys asap and went and changed clothes :)
after lunch it was time to give up the sacrifices. by now i knew what i had to do and i knew that it wasn't going to be easy. some people came and gave their passports to God, telling Him that they'll go where ever He sends them. one gave up her return ticket. some gave away ipods or money to others for they saw it as an idol and God told them to give it up. so i went up and did what i had to do. i said that i would give God my voice, my health, and my life. my voice to sing, my health to trust Him, and my life to do whatever He wanted. i then remembered a dream that i'd had a few weeks ago: i was with my YWAM group and for whatever reason i was being put to death. the whole way over i was asking, begging my friends to not let me die, to take this away from me. then by the end of my dream i was so at peace i willingly gave my life. i feel like this was God telling me of what was to come, that He wanted me to give my life and that i won't want to do it but when i do i'll be at peace.
mark asked me why i gave my voice and i told him that fear of man holds me back. i sing when i'm by myself or in the car and God wants me to sing in front of others. he then asked why my health and when i explained he asked me if i had any health problems now. when i said yes he asked me what they were. so in front of the whole class i (infortunately) broke down and told them of my fear of going through what i did last year and how i shut down, last year and this year again. mark then paused and had me do something. i went and stood in front of the cross (facing it not the people) and he wanted me to sing, out loud, to God. while i would be doing that others would come up and annoint me with oil and pray for healing over me. i was very uncomfortable but i went and stood in front of the cross, and although i was still sick with a cold, i started to sing. as i sang loads of people came and laid hands on me and annointed me and prayed healing over me. i just broke down. i can't describe the feeling or write the words, but it was.... moving. everyone praying at once, all gathered close around me, praying that this sickness would leave my body and how it has no place in me. it's a moment i won't EVER forget.
afterwards we had the sin sacrifices. the things that came up were so sad and heartwrenching. people who had been molested, drug addicts, alcoholics, people with other sexual addictions, those who had been cruel to past lovers, pride that they had, jealously, envy, worthlessness.. the list goes on and on. i came up and said how i compare God to man and how i see Him as unreliable. i feel worthless in His sight and in the sight of others and how sorry i was that i think that way.
by now i was getting cold and i couldn't really cross my arms for they were covered in oil :) so i changed and came back and we had a time where we went and prayed for others and listened to what God had for them. it was something that was new to me but i waited and went and prayed for others and told them what i felt like God was telling me about them. it was weird since some things were just out there, but then i would be surprised in that it would shock the other person for someone else had told them that too. the sports leader came up to me and told me that we had seen me in the courtyard waiting for the class to start. he didn't know who i was but said that the Holy Spirit had shown him that i would have a breakthrough today. this was when i was fighting with God about giving him my life. he asked me if i was open to what God had for me, and i told him honestly i think so. it's going to take some time, but i'm going to try. it was very moving.
next mark had the people who needed prayer for healing to come and stand in the middle of the class and then people would come over and annoint them and pray for healing. again i was moved and the strength and love i felt not just from the people but from God was immense. someone felt like there was something else behind my fear, that it wasn't the sickness but something else. they said my mind was being held down, tainted by something, and they prayed for freedom. after i was about to walk away to wash my oily hands when mark stopped me and told everyone that if they had a fear of man that he wanted them to do something crazy about it. all of a sudden mark put on a song, came over to me, and said "as your Father would you dance with me". i just lost it. he danced with me and told ,e that because i was an heir of christ i was important and that as a first born i held importance. he told me he saw me in a white gown dancing with God, which is a vision my leader had told me a few weeks before. needless to say i was quite emotional by the end of the night.
after 16 hours of worship i finally felt a closeness to God and i felt freedom. i felt healed, not just in my body but in my mind. a girl in sports had had a fever for a year and a half and woke up yesterday with a normal body temp for the first time in a long time.
how great is our God
everything was good and fine and then came the last day. thursday mark had told us that on friday we would do like a re-enactment of sorts of the tabernacle. when the people went into the tabernacle they brought 2 kinds of sacrifices. one that was a sacrifice to God, like something that they would give to Him or to others and the other was the sacrifice of sin. mark told us that on friday we needed to come with something to give to God or others and a sin that we need forgiveness for. so as always, i cruised through the day not really thinking anything of it. thursday night i took some time and worshipped God and asked Him what i could possibly offer Him. I felt Him say my voice, which makes sense for i don't like singing in public, even singing worship in front of people scares me.
friday morning rolled around and i woke up early as to have some time to prepare myself for the on coming day. sitting by myself in a room i tried to see if there was anything else i could give God and i came up with my health. it's something i have trouble with so i knew that this was one thing i did need to give to Him. i closed my eyes and sat there thinking if there was anything else, and it was almost as if someone yelled it at me. i heard it so clearly : your life. it was one of those things that shook me to the core. my life?! God wants me to give my life?! atomatically my mind shut Him out and went "no, i'm not giving you my life".
i went on with my morning like nothing was wrong, like i wasn't fighting this major battle within me. my life. was He out of His mind?! if i have a hard enough time trusting Him with my health what makes Him think that i'd give Him my life? i sat there with all the other people waiting for our day of tabernacle to start, so sure that everyone could see the emotions all over my face. finally we were given an intro into class and the main point mark made was " are you open? are you open to God and what He has to say?" ha NO! we came into our classroom which had been made over into a tabernacle with a cross standing in the middle of the room. first we all took time to worship God, which as you can imagine was super hard for me to do. then mark had us all say something that God has done for us. i was so emotional from the battle i was fighting it was hard to say something that i was thankful for that God did. so i pulled myself together (i hate showing emotion, especially tears) and said how i was thankful that i now have a relationship with my brother, one that i could have never had or imagined. of course i broke down right from the start so that made it that much more harder to say. but it's true. i didn't realize how much i'd miss my brother until i actually left and now i'm eternally thankful that i have a relationship with him, one that i know is strong and one that i cherish.
we had a 5 minute break, as to get ready for the next part, and i had people coming up to me encouraging me and one told me that to day is going to be a big day for me, one that i won't forget. we came back and did an exercise that had to do with really getting personal with God. the guys had to link arms and one by one they came out and yelled and screamed and opened up their hearts to Him and then they would run and try to break through the wall of men. some of them moved me to tears for these were my brothers and finally seeing them open up was glorious. one guy from another DTS (we combined with the sports DTS) had gotten saved for the first time last week, and if you knew him you'd know what a break through this was. he's like the ultimate bad boy of the school ;) anyway, i watched him struggle to open up and to let God in, and that was wonderful. next, mark had the guys lay down on their stomachs all in a row and had the girls walk on them all the while praising God as they walked across. mark said he did this because alot of times in our society the women are the one who are the stronger ones in the family and how the men need to rise and learn how to man up and be there for the women. this was hard for me because one- i was wearing a dress and two- i am very self contious so this was really pushing it for me.
we worshipped some more and then mark asked us if there were some of us who have a hard time praising God in difficult times and how it's a struggle for us. i raised my hand and so did 3 others. then came the most ackward and nerve-wrecking part of the day. mark said that 2 people, preferably guys, need to go up and lift these people onto their shoulders as to lift them up to God and learn how to praise Him. i didn't really realize what was going on until i saw 2 guys walking towards me and that's when it all clicked. i went into a full panic!!! i hate being picked up and i was wearing a dress! needless to say, i had big difficulties with my dress (so sorry for those guys and everyone else) and one guy was shorter than the other so i was on one guy's shoulder for almost the whole time. i was gripping the guy's shoulder and another guy's hand so hard, and mark was like "lift your hands and praise Him" and i was like NO NO NO! let's just say i hopped off those guys asap and went and changed clothes :)
after lunch it was time to give up the sacrifices. by now i knew what i had to do and i knew that it wasn't going to be easy. some people came and gave their passports to God, telling Him that they'll go where ever He sends them. one gave up her return ticket. some gave away ipods or money to others for they saw it as an idol and God told them to give it up. so i went up and did what i had to do. i said that i would give God my voice, my health, and my life. my voice to sing, my health to trust Him, and my life to do whatever He wanted. i then remembered a dream that i'd had a few weeks ago: i was with my YWAM group and for whatever reason i was being put to death. the whole way over i was asking, begging my friends to not let me die, to take this away from me. then by the end of my dream i was so at peace i willingly gave my life. i feel like this was God telling me of what was to come, that He wanted me to give my life and that i won't want to do it but when i do i'll be at peace.
mark asked me why i gave my voice and i told him that fear of man holds me back. i sing when i'm by myself or in the car and God wants me to sing in front of others. he then asked why my health and when i explained he asked me if i had any health problems now. when i said yes he asked me what they were. so in front of the whole class i (infortunately) broke down and told them of my fear of going through what i did last year and how i shut down, last year and this year again. mark then paused and had me do something. i went and stood in front of the cross (facing it not the people) and he wanted me to sing, out loud, to God. while i would be doing that others would come up and annoint me with oil and pray for healing over me. i was very uncomfortable but i went and stood in front of the cross, and although i was still sick with a cold, i started to sing. as i sang loads of people came and laid hands on me and annointed me and prayed healing over me. i just broke down. i can't describe the feeling or write the words, but it was.... moving. everyone praying at once, all gathered close around me, praying that this sickness would leave my body and how it has no place in me. it's a moment i won't EVER forget.
afterwards we had the sin sacrifices. the things that came up were so sad and heartwrenching. people who had been molested, drug addicts, alcoholics, people with other sexual addictions, those who had been cruel to past lovers, pride that they had, jealously, envy, worthlessness.. the list goes on and on. i came up and said how i compare God to man and how i see Him as unreliable. i feel worthless in His sight and in the sight of others and how sorry i was that i think that way.
by now i was getting cold and i couldn't really cross my arms for they were covered in oil :) so i changed and came back and we had a time where we went and prayed for others and listened to what God had for them. it was something that was new to me but i waited and went and prayed for others and told them what i felt like God was telling me about them. it was weird since some things were just out there, but then i would be surprised in that it would shock the other person for someone else had told them that too. the sports leader came up to me and told me that we had seen me in the courtyard waiting for the class to start. he didn't know who i was but said that the Holy Spirit had shown him that i would have a breakthrough today. this was when i was fighting with God about giving him my life. he asked me if i was open to what God had for me, and i told him honestly i think so. it's going to take some time, but i'm going to try. it was very moving.
next mark had the people who needed prayer for healing to come and stand in the middle of the class and then people would come over and annoint them and pray for healing. again i was moved and the strength and love i felt not just from the people but from God was immense. someone felt like there was something else behind my fear, that it wasn't the sickness but something else. they said my mind was being held down, tainted by something, and they prayed for freedom. after i was about to walk away to wash my oily hands when mark stopped me and told everyone that if they had a fear of man that he wanted them to do something crazy about it. all of a sudden mark put on a song, came over to me, and said "as your Father would you dance with me". i just lost it. he danced with me and told ,e that because i was an heir of christ i was important and that as a first born i held importance. he told me he saw me in a white gown dancing with God, which is a vision my leader had told me a few weeks before. needless to say i was quite emotional by the end of the night.
after 16 hours of worship i finally felt a closeness to God and i felt freedom. i felt healed, not just in my body but in my mind. a girl in sports had had a fever for a year and a half and woke up yesterday with a normal body temp for the first time in a long time.
how great is our God
Monday, December 7, 2009
the road and Joy
hello my dearest followers! :) how are you?? i'm so sorry that i haven't written anything in such a long time, but i've been on the road for alittle over 3 weeks and i had no internet (or very limited the 2 times i did have some). where to start? well about 3 weeks ago i left on a saturday morning at 4 in the morning. i sat in a 24 seater bus that was crammed high with bags and people and it had no a.c., so that was a special bonding moment for us all ;)we took a drive to airlie beach which was supposed to take 16 hours, but Trusty Rusty (that's the bus's name) was trusty as always and it blew a tire on our way up so it wasn't a 16 hour ride, more like 18. but again, it was a great (being sarcastic) bonding moment so no worries.
when we got to airlie beach we were splitup into groups and then the groups were driven to where ever they were sleeping. i slept in a house that served as the base for the YWAM that was there in airlie. there are 6 student and 4 staff in total for the whole school there in airlie so that was interesting to see. it was so cool though since there were two girls from germany that styed in the same house. the girls from the airlie base lived in the house, and it was so nice to have a bit of "home" in the house. one of the girls was from berlin and the other from a place 30 minutes away from where my family lives. needless to say, it was nice being able to talk to someone in german again :)
the first week in airlie we had lectures about the holy spirit and what ut means to be baptized in it. to be honest it was a really difficult week for me so it was hard to concentrate. 2 days after i got to airlie i went to the doctors. ever since coming to australia i'd been getting so tired that the week before i left i couldn't even stay awake in lectures. i would get a good nights sleep and then this fatigue would come over me so badly even my speaker swould notice. the night before i had my appointment i just broke down. i kind of went through the same thing last year where i had to undergo tests and was told i could have lupis (later i was told cancer was a possibility). remembering how i shut down last year scared me so badly. when i went through those things last year i kept them to myself and it made it abit hard so i tried letting people in this time and the response was overwhelming. some of my friends came and prayed for me and even now they ask how i'm doing and how i'm feeling. i went to bed feeling so scared, but when i woke up in the morning i felt this great peace. i knew that no matter what happened i would be able to handle it. i went to the doctor (one of the staff girls came with me) and talked to him about how i was feeling. we were going to do some blood tests, but then he saw that i was taking malaria pills. i was on them because the travel doctor i saw told me to take them when i got to australia, and the doctor was shocked. ha he told me to stop taking them because he thought i was taking ones that cause psychotic disorders! ah! that made me feel better- NOT!(i checked later, they weren't the ones i was taking the doctor told me to stop taking them and told me to wait 3 weeks, and if i wasn't feeling better by then i was to go get blood taken. when i got to the lectures no one but a few people knew what was going on, but one of my friends came up to me and was like "i dreamed about you last night". she told me that she saw me come into the room and say "i'm ok, i'm ok". she had no idea what i was going through!
the second week we had schoolies. schoolies is when all the high school graduates come and party for a week long. i've compared it to our spring break, but others have said that it's worse. we had a tent set up and we served chai tea and slushies and had karioke (sp?) and just gave the kids a safe place to be, away from the toolies (old creepy people who come after the kids). we had the tent open from 8pm-1am and during the day we had volleyball for everyone. it was really a time of spiritual warfare for alot of people. for many in my group i know it was hard for them because this is who they were before they came to YWAM. it was hard for me since i was in this big spiritual low and i felt like a fraud going out and telling these kids about jesus and how great God is. there are too many stories to share, but on the last night a group of us went out and had worship in the park. i ended up talking to this guy named brandon and it's a talk i'll remember forever. 2 of my leaders came and also joined in the discussion and we talked to him and answered his questions. he had such a hard heart against God and was realistic and believed that the bible had so many contradictions. the thing that got me after i spoke to him was that here is this guy who doesn't even belive in God, yet he knew the Bible inside and out. here i am a christian and i could probly tell you 3 verses off the top of my head, verse and reference. i couldn't answer half of his questions, and although i was shaken afterwards, it made me want to go read and study my bible like i've never done before.
the next day we left and had a 6 hour bus ride to emerald which is out in the outback of australia. it was so dry! we crossed over bridges that had creeks and rivers under them. instead of water there was only dust. the land and ground were brown and the grass was so coarse. when you opened the windows it was like a blow-dryer blowing in your face so that was nice. we got to emerald and we were in charge of the service. 2 people gave testimonies and one gave a message. we then piled back into trusty rusty and made our way to the ranch that we'd be staying at. by this time it was night time and the moon was shining so bright against the desert country. in order to get to the ranch we had to drive down long back roads that looked deserted. all of a sudden kangaroos started hoppping out across the road 2 or 3 at a time here and there. ha all the guys piled to the front of the bus and whenever a kangaroo came up they'd all yell. most of the time the roos just jumped right along and we had no trouble. there was one huge kangaroo that stopped in the middle of the way and we kind of detoured around it and ran over it's tail. then came the funny/sad part. we were driving along and this small roo hopped across the road. it stopped so our driver thought it would wait til we passed. as we started to pass by it decided to go and we ended up running it over. the funny part was that 2 of my friends were hanging out the window when this happened and it died right under their window. ha all of the guys were high-fiving each other and then you see these 2 girls going "NO!! why??". it was pretty funny :) anyway, we made it to the ranch and i had my first experience camping! well, sort of. we set up tents out in the people their back yard so we slept outside, but we could use their bathrooms so that was nice. anyway, i had this tent called a mozzie dome and it's pretty much just a mosquito net with canvas at the floor area. i LOVED sleeping in the tent! it was nice and cool and i loved seeing the stars and galaxies. it was beautiful. the next day we just hung out at the ranch. the family had a 4 year old boy who was all decked out in his cowboy outfit. oh so cute! i watched him while he others were playing and he somehow got me to pretend to be a cow and run around in the corral and he chased me and then he somehow roped me. for a 4 year old he's an excellent roper :) that night we had a bonfire with food cooked over it and the rancher shared what life on he land was like. i have to admit, i got super homesick when i was there. it reminded me so much of home.
the next day we headed out again and left for roma. on the way we went through a national park. it was beautiful seeing al the cattle grazing about freely and we saw soo many kangaroos! we ended up parking somewhere and i hiked up some trail that was supposed to have a small waterfall, but with the drought there was nothing. we went off the trail and went our own way and that was fun. there were bush fires going on and at night the mountains were illuminated by the fires. on both sides of the road it was just fire and burning at one point. we got to the next town (was about 2-3 hours away from the next) and that's when we found out that both buses had run out of gas 10 kilometers ago and that the drivers had been praying the whole way. thank you Lord that we didn't get caught in the desert! we got to roma late in the night and we slept in a church. the next day we had a meeting and our leader explained to us about the town. it has a very high teen suicide rate and that whenever a YWAM team goes to roma there are many students who feel very depressed. unfortunately i was one of those students. that whole morning i was so depressed and so sullen i didn't know what was going on with me. i was still in that spiritual low from 2 weeks before and i was so frustrated with myself that i could get it together.
so later that day i decided i wanted to do something to show God how much i wanted to get back on that spiritual high. i automatically thought of fasting, but i knew for a fact that i would last probly 10 minutes before i grabbed something to eat. but right after that God gave me an idea: do the daniel fast. in the bible daniel asked to be put on a different diet which consisted of veggies and water for 10 days. so that's what i'm doing right now. i've added fruits and juice to the diet just so i could get enough iron (one thing the doctor wa worried about). i also wanted to read a book of the bible so i could get some kind of word of God in me. again, God gave the book ecclesiastes to mind. when i read about what it was about, the message bible called it a cleansing book. in our christian life, it wasn't a meal but a bath cleansing us of all the worldly things and influences. so along with fasting i've been trying to read a chapter a day and writing in my journal about it.
the first day of my fast i went to the back of the church and sat there by myself and just sang and worshipped God. in the midst of my singing i felt God. i actually felt Him. it was like He was there dancing while i was singing and..... i just felt Him. after feeling so distanced for so long it moved me to tears (and even now i get misty eyed) to feel His presense, His being, so close to me. i was sweaty and gross and i was probly singing off tune, but He didn't care. He was so happy that i was there and open and the fact that He came down to dance with me made it a moment that will forever remember.
i started on thurday and it was pretty hard since for lunch a great big platter of meat was served for lunch, and i love meat (another reason way i wanted to do the fast was because when i was in my low i used ood to fill the void i had. i wanted to do the fast to show that food does not control me, but God). on sunday each outreach group went to a different church and was in charge of the services. i spoke in front of the church and told about the whole "jonah" story. honestly, the church was small and the majority of the people were elderly so i wondered if this would help them in any way. after the service this cute old woman came up to me and told me her name was Joy. she told me that a few weeks ago God had given her the name stephanie and she wondered what that meant. when she heard that YWAM was coming to her church she wondered if a stephanie would be in the group. she said that as soon as i walked thru the door the Holy Spirit went "stephanie". she tod me she had a word for me and that when i am weak He will make me strong. i've had people give me prophetic words efore but this one really meant alot to me. just the day before i was really struggling with my fasting and hearing her words helped me so very much.
i'm still on my fast and it's going good so far. being back on base has made it easy yet hard too. saturday is my last day, so pray that i stay strong til then. i leave for the road again on sunday and i'll be gone a week. at the ranch we had some aboriginal people come and speak to us about the culture. it's so fascinating, and the town i'll be gong to next has a big aboriginal community in it. pray that we will be able to show them what the love and face of Christ looks like.
i'll try to write back as soon as i can. i'll end with a prophetic word that was given to me during one of the best lecture weeks ever. our speaker was a man named ken helser (a man from the south in the usa)and he spoke on the father heart of God. the best speaker by far. his son sings (jonathon david helser) and is an amazing artist. anyway, ken prayed over all of our pictures for a week before he met us and was given a word for each of us from God. Here is what he got for me:
Stephanie Harren, “Alive in Christ”
Life is a mystery because God is life, so at the heart of every living creature is God. May God breathe His breath into all of your being, causing you to come alive in places that are mysteries to you. You are going to be amazed at the mysteries He reveals. Discovery is your quest in God. Stephanie, as you open yourself to Him in the secret places of your soul, secrets are going to be revealed to you. And this is the beauty: Your heart being made pure, will God in others and you will speak words that will unlock secrets to them. And you receive words that encourage, comfort and build up (I Corinthians 14:3) Don’t try to make things happen, but simply rest in God and watch how He makes you come alive, giving life to others!
when we got to airlie beach we were splitup into groups and then the groups were driven to where ever they were sleeping. i slept in a house that served as the base for the YWAM that was there in airlie. there are 6 student and 4 staff in total for the whole school there in airlie so that was interesting to see. it was so cool though since there were two girls from germany that styed in the same house. the girls from the airlie base lived in the house, and it was so nice to have a bit of "home" in the house. one of the girls was from berlin and the other from a place 30 minutes away from where my family lives. needless to say, it was nice being able to talk to someone in german again :)
the first week in airlie we had lectures about the holy spirit and what ut means to be baptized in it. to be honest it was a really difficult week for me so it was hard to concentrate. 2 days after i got to airlie i went to the doctors. ever since coming to australia i'd been getting so tired that the week before i left i couldn't even stay awake in lectures. i would get a good nights sleep and then this fatigue would come over me so badly even my speaker swould notice. the night before i had my appointment i just broke down. i kind of went through the same thing last year where i had to undergo tests and was told i could have lupis (later i was told cancer was a possibility). remembering how i shut down last year scared me so badly. when i went through those things last year i kept them to myself and it made it abit hard so i tried letting people in this time and the response was overwhelming. some of my friends came and prayed for me and even now they ask how i'm doing and how i'm feeling. i went to bed feeling so scared, but when i woke up in the morning i felt this great peace. i knew that no matter what happened i would be able to handle it. i went to the doctor (one of the staff girls came with me) and talked to him about how i was feeling. we were going to do some blood tests, but then he saw that i was taking malaria pills. i was on them because the travel doctor i saw told me to take them when i got to australia, and the doctor was shocked. ha he told me to stop taking them because he thought i was taking ones that cause psychotic disorders! ah! that made me feel better- NOT!(i checked later, they weren't the ones i was taking the doctor told me to stop taking them and told me to wait 3 weeks, and if i wasn't feeling better by then i was to go get blood taken. when i got to the lectures no one but a few people knew what was going on, but one of my friends came up to me and was like "i dreamed about you last night". she told me that she saw me come into the room and say "i'm ok, i'm ok". she had no idea what i was going through!
the second week we had schoolies. schoolies is when all the high school graduates come and party for a week long. i've compared it to our spring break, but others have said that it's worse. we had a tent set up and we served chai tea and slushies and had karioke (sp?) and just gave the kids a safe place to be, away from the toolies (old creepy people who come after the kids). we had the tent open from 8pm-1am and during the day we had volleyball for everyone. it was really a time of spiritual warfare for alot of people. for many in my group i know it was hard for them because this is who they were before they came to YWAM. it was hard for me since i was in this big spiritual low and i felt like a fraud going out and telling these kids about jesus and how great God is. there are too many stories to share, but on the last night a group of us went out and had worship in the park. i ended up talking to this guy named brandon and it's a talk i'll remember forever. 2 of my leaders came and also joined in the discussion and we talked to him and answered his questions. he had such a hard heart against God and was realistic and believed that the bible had so many contradictions. the thing that got me after i spoke to him was that here is this guy who doesn't even belive in God, yet he knew the Bible inside and out. here i am a christian and i could probly tell you 3 verses off the top of my head, verse and reference. i couldn't answer half of his questions, and although i was shaken afterwards, it made me want to go read and study my bible like i've never done before.
the next day we left and had a 6 hour bus ride to emerald which is out in the outback of australia. it was so dry! we crossed over bridges that had creeks and rivers under them. instead of water there was only dust. the land and ground were brown and the grass was so coarse. when you opened the windows it was like a blow-dryer blowing in your face so that was nice. we got to emerald and we were in charge of the service. 2 people gave testimonies and one gave a message. we then piled back into trusty rusty and made our way to the ranch that we'd be staying at. by this time it was night time and the moon was shining so bright against the desert country. in order to get to the ranch we had to drive down long back roads that looked deserted. all of a sudden kangaroos started hoppping out across the road 2 or 3 at a time here and there. ha all the guys piled to the front of the bus and whenever a kangaroo came up they'd all yell. most of the time the roos just jumped right along and we had no trouble. there was one huge kangaroo that stopped in the middle of the way and we kind of detoured around it and ran over it's tail. then came the funny/sad part. we were driving along and this small roo hopped across the road. it stopped so our driver thought it would wait til we passed. as we started to pass by it decided to go and we ended up running it over. the funny part was that 2 of my friends were hanging out the window when this happened and it died right under their window. ha all of the guys were high-fiving each other and then you see these 2 girls going "NO!! why??". it was pretty funny :) anyway, we made it to the ranch and i had my first experience camping! well, sort of. we set up tents out in the people their back yard so we slept outside, but we could use their bathrooms so that was nice. anyway, i had this tent called a mozzie dome and it's pretty much just a mosquito net with canvas at the floor area. i LOVED sleeping in the tent! it was nice and cool and i loved seeing the stars and galaxies. it was beautiful. the next day we just hung out at the ranch. the family had a 4 year old boy who was all decked out in his cowboy outfit. oh so cute! i watched him while he others were playing and he somehow got me to pretend to be a cow and run around in the corral and he chased me and then he somehow roped me. for a 4 year old he's an excellent roper :) that night we had a bonfire with food cooked over it and the rancher shared what life on he land was like. i have to admit, i got super homesick when i was there. it reminded me so much of home.
the next day we headed out again and left for roma. on the way we went through a national park. it was beautiful seeing al the cattle grazing about freely and we saw soo many kangaroos! we ended up parking somewhere and i hiked up some trail that was supposed to have a small waterfall, but with the drought there was nothing. we went off the trail and went our own way and that was fun. there were bush fires going on and at night the mountains were illuminated by the fires. on both sides of the road it was just fire and burning at one point. we got to the next town (was about 2-3 hours away from the next) and that's when we found out that both buses had run out of gas 10 kilometers ago and that the drivers had been praying the whole way. thank you Lord that we didn't get caught in the desert! we got to roma late in the night and we slept in a church. the next day we had a meeting and our leader explained to us about the town. it has a very high teen suicide rate and that whenever a YWAM team goes to roma there are many students who feel very depressed. unfortunately i was one of those students. that whole morning i was so depressed and so sullen i didn't know what was going on with me. i was still in that spiritual low from 2 weeks before and i was so frustrated with myself that i could get it together.
so later that day i decided i wanted to do something to show God how much i wanted to get back on that spiritual high. i automatically thought of fasting, but i knew for a fact that i would last probly 10 minutes before i grabbed something to eat. but right after that God gave me an idea: do the daniel fast. in the bible daniel asked to be put on a different diet which consisted of veggies and water for 10 days. so that's what i'm doing right now. i've added fruits and juice to the diet just so i could get enough iron (one thing the doctor wa worried about). i also wanted to read a book of the bible so i could get some kind of word of God in me. again, God gave the book ecclesiastes to mind. when i read about what it was about, the message bible called it a cleansing book. in our christian life, it wasn't a meal but a bath cleansing us of all the worldly things and influences. so along with fasting i've been trying to read a chapter a day and writing in my journal about it.
the first day of my fast i went to the back of the church and sat there by myself and just sang and worshipped God. in the midst of my singing i felt God. i actually felt Him. it was like He was there dancing while i was singing and..... i just felt Him. after feeling so distanced for so long it moved me to tears (and even now i get misty eyed) to feel His presense, His being, so close to me. i was sweaty and gross and i was probly singing off tune, but He didn't care. He was so happy that i was there and open and the fact that He came down to dance with me made it a moment that will forever remember.
i started on thurday and it was pretty hard since for lunch a great big platter of meat was served for lunch, and i love meat (another reason way i wanted to do the fast was because when i was in my low i used ood to fill the void i had. i wanted to do the fast to show that food does not control me, but God). on sunday each outreach group went to a different church and was in charge of the services. i spoke in front of the church and told about the whole "jonah" story. honestly, the church was small and the majority of the people were elderly so i wondered if this would help them in any way. after the service this cute old woman came up to me and told me her name was Joy. she told me that a few weeks ago God had given her the name stephanie and she wondered what that meant. when she heard that YWAM was coming to her church she wondered if a stephanie would be in the group. she said that as soon as i walked thru the door the Holy Spirit went "stephanie". she tod me she had a word for me and that when i am weak He will make me strong. i've had people give me prophetic words efore but this one really meant alot to me. just the day before i was really struggling with my fasting and hearing her words helped me so very much.
i'm still on my fast and it's going good so far. being back on base has made it easy yet hard too. saturday is my last day, so pray that i stay strong til then. i leave for the road again on sunday and i'll be gone a week. at the ranch we had some aboriginal people come and speak to us about the culture. it's so fascinating, and the town i'll be gong to next has a big aboriginal community in it. pray that we will be able to show them what the love and face of Christ looks like.
i'll try to write back as soon as i can. i'll end with a prophetic word that was given to me during one of the best lecture weeks ever. our speaker was a man named ken helser (a man from the south in the usa)and he spoke on the father heart of God. the best speaker by far. his son sings (jonathon david helser) and is an amazing artist. anyway, ken prayed over all of our pictures for a week before he met us and was given a word for each of us from God. Here is what he got for me:
Stephanie Harren, “Alive in Christ”
Life is a mystery because God is life, so at the heart of every living creature is God. May God breathe His breath into all of your being, causing you to come alive in places that are mysteries to you. You are going to be amazed at the mysteries He reveals. Discovery is your quest in God. Stephanie, as you open yourself to Him in the secret places of your soul, secrets are going to be revealed to you. And this is the beauty: Your heart being made pure, will God in others and you will speak words that will unlock secrets to them. And you receive words that encourage, comfort and build up (I Corinthians 14:3) Don’t try to make things happen, but simply rest in God and watch how He makes you come alive, giving life to others!
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