the road and Joy

hello my dearest followers! :) how are you?? i'm so sorry that i haven't written anything in such a long time, but i've been on the road for alittle over 3 weeks and i had no internet (or very limited the 2 times i did have some). where to start? well about 3 weeks ago i left on a saturday morning at 4 in the morning. i sat in a 24 seater bus that was crammed high with bags and people and it had no a.c., so that was a special bonding moment for us all ;)we took a drive to airlie beach which was supposed to take 16 hours, but Trusty Rusty (that's the bus's name) was trusty as always and it blew a tire on our way up so it wasn't a 16 hour ride, more like 18. but again, it was a great (being sarcastic) bonding moment so no worries.

when we got to airlie beach we were splitup into groups and then the groups were driven to where ever they were sleeping. i slept in a house that served as the base for the YWAM that was there in airlie. there are 6 student and 4 staff in total for the whole school there in airlie so that was interesting to see. it was so cool though since there were two girls from germany that styed in the same house. the girls from the airlie base lived in the house, and it was so nice to have a bit of "home" in the house. one of the girls was from berlin and the other from a place 30 minutes away from where my family lives. needless to say, it was nice being able to talk to someone in german again :)

the first week in airlie we had lectures about the holy spirit and what ut means to be baptized in it. to be honest it was a really difficult week for me so it was hard to concentrate. 2 days after i got to airlie i went to the doctors. ever since coming to australia i'd been getting so tired that the week before i left i couldn't even stay awake in lectures. i would get a good nights sleep and then this fatigue would come over me so badly even my speaker swould notice. the night before i had my appointment i just broke down. i kind of went through the same thing last year where i had to undergo tests and was told i could have lupis (later i was told cancer was a possibility). remembering how i shut down last year scared me so badly. when i went through those things last year i kept them to myself and it made it abit hard so i tried letting people in this time and the response was overwhelming. some of my friends came and prayed for me and even now they ask how i'm doing and how i'm feeling. i went to bed feeling so scared, but when i woke up in the morning i felt this great peace. i knew that no matter what happened i would be able to handle it. i went to the doctor (one of the staff girls came with me) and talked to him about how i was feeling. we were going to do some blood tests, but then he saw that i was taking malaria pills. i was on them because the travel doctor i saw told me to take them when i got to australia, and the doctor was shocked. ha he told me to stop taking them because he thought i was taking ones that cause psychotic disorders! ah! that made me feel better- NOT!(i checked later, they weren't the ones i was taking the doctor told me to stop taking them and told me to wait 3 weeks, and if i wasn't feeling better by then i was to go get blood taken. when i got to the lectures no one but a few people knew what was going on, but one of my friends came up to me and was like "i dreamed about you last night". she told me that she saw me come into the room and say "i'm ok, i'm ok". she had no idea what i was going through!

the second week we had schoolies. schoolies is when all the high school graduates come and party for a week long. i've compared it to our spring break, but others have said that it's worse. we had a tent set up and we served chai tea and slushies and had karioke (sp?) and just gave the kids a safe place to be, away from the toolies (old creepy people who come after the kids). we had the tent open from 8pm-1am and during the day we had volleyball for everyone. it was really a time of spiritual warfare for alot of people. for many in my group i know it was hard for them because this is who they were before they came to YWAM. it was hard for me since i was in this big spiritual low and i felt like a fraud going out and telling these kids about jesus and how great God is. there are too many stories to share, but on the last night a group of us went out and had worship in the park. i ended up talking to this guy named brandon and it's a talk i'll remember forever. 2 of my leaders came and also joined in the discussion and we talked to him and answered his questions. he had such a hard heart against God and was realistic and believed that the bible had so many contradictions. the thing that got me after i spoke to him was that here is this guy who doesn't even belive in God, yet he knew the Bible inside and out. here i am a christian and i could probly tell you 3 verses off the top of my head, verse and reference. i couldn't answer half of his questions, and although i was shaken afterwards, it made me want to go read and study my bible like i've never done before.

the next day we left and had a 6 hour bus ride to emerald which is out in the outback of australia. it was so dry! we crossed over bridges that had creeks and rivers under them. instead of water there was only dust. the land and ground were brown and the grass was so coarse. when you opened the windows it was like a blow-dryer blowing in your face so that was nice. we got to emerald and we were in charge of the service. 2 people gave testimonies and one gave a message. we then piled back into trusty rusty and made our way to the ranch that we'd be staying at. by this time it was night time and the moon was shining so bright against the desert country. in order to get to the ranch we had to drive down long back roads that looked deserted. all of a sudden kangaroos started hoppping out across the road 2 or 3 at a time here and there. ha all the guys piled to the front of the bus and whenever a kangaroo came up they'd all yell. most of the time the roos just jumped right along and we had no trouble. there was one huge kangaroo that stopped in the middle of the way and we kind of detoured around it and ran over it's tail. then came the funny/sad part. we were driving along and this small roo hopped across the road. it stopped so our driver thought it would wait til we passed. as we started to pass by it decided to go and we ended up running it over. the funny part was that 2 of my friends were hanging out the window when this happened and it died right under their window. ha all of the guys were high-fiving each other and then you see these 2 girls going "NO!! why??". it was pretty funny :) anyway, we made it to the ranch and i had my first experience camping! well, sort of. we set up tents out in the people their back yard so we slept outside, but we could use their bathrooms so that was nice. anyway, i had this tent called a mozzie dome and it's pretty much just a mosquito net with canvas at the floor area. i LOVED sleeping in the tent! it was nice and cool and i loved seeing the stars and galaxies. it was beautiful. the next day we just hung out at the ranch. the family had a 4 year old boy who was all decked out in his cowboy outfit. oh so cute! i watched him while he others were playing and he somehow got me to pretend to be a cow and run around in the corral and he chased me and then he somehow roped me. for a 4 year old he's an excellent roper :) that night we had a bonfire with food cooked over it and the rancher shared what life on he land was like. i have to admit, i got super homesick when i was there. it reminded me so much of home.

the next day we headed out again and left for roma. on the way we went through a national park. it was beautiful seeing al the cattle grazing about freely and we saw soo many kangaroos! we ended up parking somewhere and i hiked up some trail that was supposed to have a small waterfall, but with the drought there was nothing. we went off the trail and went our own way and that was fun. there were bush fires going on and at night the mountains were illuminated by the fires. on both sides of the road it was just fire and burning at one point. we got to the next town (was about 2-3 hours away from the next) and that's when we found out that both buses had run out of gas 10 kilometers ago and that the drivers had been praying the whole way. thank you Lord that we didn't get caught in the desert! we got to roma late in the night and we slept in a church. the next day we had a meeting and our leader explained to us about the town. it has a very high teen suicide rate and that whenever a YWAM team goes to roma there are many students who feel very depressed. unfortunately i was one of those students. that whole morning i was so depressed and so sullen i didn't know what was going on with me. i was still in that spiritual low from 2 weeks before and i was so frustrated with myself that i could get it together.

so later that day i decided i wanted to do something to show God how much i wanted to get back on that spiritual high. i automatically thought of fasting, but i knew for a fact that i would last probly 10 minutes before i grabbed something to eat. but right after that God gave me an idea: do the daniel fast. in the bible daniel asked to be put on a different diet which consisted of veggies and water for 10 days. so that's what i'm doing right now. i've added fruits and juice to the diet just so i could get enough iron (one thing the doctor wa worried about). i also wanted to read a book of the bible so i could get some kind of word of God in me. again, God gave the book ecclesiastes to mind. when i read about what it was about, the message bible called it a cleansing book. in our christian life, it wasn't a meal but a bath cleansing us of all the worldly things and influences. so along with fasting i've been trying to read a chapter a day and writing in my journal about it.

the first day of my fast i went to the back of the church and sat there by myself and just sang and worshipped God. in the midst of my singing i felt God. i actually felt Him. it was like He was there dancing while i was singing and..... i just felt Him. after feeling so distanced for so long it moved me to tears (and even now i get misty eyed) to feel His presense, His being, so close to me. i was sweaty and gross and i was probly singing off tune, but He didn't care. He was so happy that i was there and open and the fact that He came down to dance with me made it a moment that will forever remember.

i started on thurday and it was pretty hard since for lunch a great big platter of meat was served for lunch, and i love meat (another reason way i wanted to do the fast was because when i was in my low i used ood to fill the void i had. i wanted to do the fast to show that food does not control me, but God). on sunday each outreach group went to a different church and was in charge of the services. i spoke in front of the church and told about the whole "jonah" story. honestly, the church was small and the majority of the people were elderly so i wondered if this would help them in any way. after the service this cute old woman came up to me and told me her name was Joy. she told me that a few weeks ago God had given her the name stephanie and she wondered what that meant. when she heard that YWAM was coming to her church she wondered if a stephanie would be in the group. she said that as soon as i walked thru the door the Holy Spirit went "stephanie". she tod me she had a word for me and that when i am weak He will make me strong. i've had people give me prophetic words efore but this one really meant alot to me. just the day before i was really struggling with my fasting and hearing her words helped me so very much.

i'm still on my fast and it's going good so far. being back on base has made it easy yet hard too. saturday is my last day, so pray that i stay strong til then. i leave for the road again on sunday and i'll be gone a week. at the ranch we had some aboriginal people come and speak to us about the culture. it's so fascinating, and the town i'll be gong to next has a big aboriginal community in it. pray that we will be able to show them what the love and face of Christ looks like.

i'll try to write back as soon as i can. i'll end with a prophetic word that was given to me during one of the best lecture weeks ever. our speaker was a man named ken helser (a man from the south in the usa)and he spoke on the father heart of God. the best speaker by far. his son sings (jonathon david helser) and is an amazing artist. anyway, ken prayed over all of our pictures for a week before he met us and was given a word for each of us from God. Here is what he got for me:

Stephanie Harren, “Alive in Christ”

Life is a mystery because God is life, so at the heart of every living creature is God. May God breathe His breath into all of your being, causing you to come alive in places that are mysteries to you. You are going to be amazed at the mysteries He reveals. Discovery is your quest in God. Stephanie, as you open yourself to Him in the secret places of your soul, secrets are going to be revealed to you. And this is the beauty: Your heart being made pure, will God in others and you will speak words that will unlock secrets to them. And you receive words that encourage, comfort and build up (I Corinthians 14:3) Don’t try to make things happen, but simply rest in God and watch how He makes you come alive, giving life to others!